Ch 9 Where I stand now

It has been over a year since my best friend was murdered. At first I did not feel the pain. But now I am 21, and find myself thinking about the murder more than often. This year at Beloit has been very interesting. I am in a class now where we have been reading an essay that discusses living in a lie versus living in the truth. I have now began to question whether I have been living in a lie or truth. My friend's murder has been on my mind for over a year now and I feel like I am wasting my time here. Individuals spend or are funded up to 165,000 dollars to attend this shit hole. If we were to spend that exact same amount of money on ourselves in promoting self-interest I believe we would all be better off. We seem to be brainwashed that this shit is promised and all sweet for us. But in fact it is not, look at all of the students who graduate and are fucking jobless. I doubt the college gives two shits if they are because they already have their money. And yes I also think the college or people would believe it is their own fault. But while that might be true we seem to forget that this place offers degrees in fields that will result in your ass right back on ya momma's couch.

As a student here I study economics, which at times can be total bullshit. We play with numbers until the shit looks the way we want it. We hypothesize on shit we know we will get right. The framework of our department  is free market capitalist aka fuck the poor and praise the rich.

When I lost my friend my life turned upside down. I became more alone but at the same time began to think more about everything in life and realize how much of a lie I am in. I feel sometimes that my friend left this world early because he saw the lie a long time ago.

The problem I see with life is that there is no real way around the lie in which we live in. The only truth I feel that I am living in is the free will that I exert in my personal free time. But when I interact with people I feel like the lie is in place and cannot be avoided.

The story ends here as I find it impossible to stop talking about all the bullshit that is forced into our lives as Americans. I hope others take the time out for themselves to see if they are living in a lie.